10 Absolutes

Alzheimer care is never a cookie cutter solution. Each person is so individual that care must be individual as well. I gave a talk at an Alzheimer Partnershiip Conference in Burlington, MA yesterday. I was purusing the various vendor tables and spied a paper put out by Your Elder Experts, a program of JF&CS. It was called 10 Absolutes for Alzheimer Caregiving. Ah, so there are some absolutes in this disease! I can honestly say I agree with these 10 absolutes. They are: Never argue--> agree,
Never reason--> divert, Never shame--> distract, Never remember--> reminisce, Never say"I told you"--> repeat, Never say "You can't--> Say "do what you can", Never command or demand--> ask or model, Never condescent--> encourage and/or praise, and Never force--> reinforce. I'm not sure what that last one means; perhaps reinforce you wanting them to come with you rather than forcing it as a command. These suggestions are just good kind respectful ways to work with a person with cognitive challenges. I guess I'd add a few: never say 'no', never ask, "Do you remember?", and say "I care about you." a lot.

Matters of the mind...and the heart

I'm on my way to writing an extended version of my book. I think that including my oft trying journey with my mother-in-law Better to the book will add to its authenticity. It was a trying journey all right. I found dealing with her resistance very troublesome and arduous. I didn't like the role I was called to play and I often resented my role in it all. So, to relieve other caregivers of their guilt hating their need to be the primary caregiver, I decided to write about it. My role was not one I would have chosen but it was assigned me as many have been in my life due to my role as NURSE. Ugh! Anyway, it did teach me many things to pass on to other caregivers and taught me my limitations. A very good lesson to learn by the way for all caregivers.