Alzheimer care is never a cookie cutter solution. Each person is so individual that care must be individual as well. I gave a talk at an Alzheimer Partnershiip Conference in Burlington, MA yesterday. I was purusing the various vendor tables and spied a paper put out by Your Elder Experts, a program of JF&CS. It was called 10 Absolutes for Alzheimer Caregiving. Ah, so there are some absolutes in this disease! I can honestly say I agree with these 10 absolutes. They are: Never argue--> agree,
Never reason--> divert, Never shame--> distract, Never remember--> reminisce, Never say"I told you"--> repeat, Never say "You can't--> Say "do what you can", Never command or demand--> ask or model, Never condescent--> encourage and/or praise, and Never force--> reinforce. I'm not sure what that last one means; perhaps reinforce you wanting them to come with you rather than forcing it as a command. These suggestions are just good kind respectful ways to work with a person with cognitive challenges. I guess I'd add a few: never say 'no', never ask, "Do you remember?", and say "I care about you." a lot.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
My book
It is so gratifying to get emails from readers of my book telling me the positive impact it has on their life as caregiver. Some have said it is their 'caregiving bible' which is very flattering and at the same time a challenge for me to write a good helpful second book. There is a lot that has transpired since 2009 when the book came out. The treatments for making life meaningful for the person with Alzheimer's are a wondrous thing.
I just read about something called Time Slips, which uses a prompt picture to initiate people with memory loss to make up a story of their own instead of being challenged to 'remember' something. One leader cut out a picture of the Marlboro man, and asked participants to develop a story about him. They gave him a name and proceeded to chart his actions. It was a warm humorous story. It taps imagination which is alive and well in people with Alzheimer's.
Another treatment is Arts for Alzheimer's, a day at a museum studying art that has been chosen by those with Alzheimer's as art that evokes an emotional response. People are asked, "What do you see going on in this picture?" Stories are forthcoming, often from those who have not engaged in conversation for some time.
Another memory evoking vehicle comes from My Way Village of Quincy, MA. It is a computer based program that is personalized and evokes memories important to that person. I was part of a pilot program with people with Alzheimer's and was so impressed with the value of adding fun and pleasure to what might have been an otherwise empty lonely day.
These are some of the new ideas and treatments I want to explore in my second book. Are there other things you'd like included in the update on Alzheimer caregiving? Write me at beverly.moore@StilMee.com. I'd love to hear from you. It makes writing a joy when it satisfies a need in a field that is so important to me; alzheimer caregiving.
Another couple of good reads are: I'm Still Here by John Zeisel and Voices of Alzheimer's by Betsy Peterson. The author of Still Alice, a best seller, has written another called Left Neglected. Get yourself a copy. Pick up mine too. It is available on our website for the same cost as Amazon.com. Go to www.StilMee.com
I just read about something called Time Slips, which uses a prompt picture to initiate people with memory loss to make up a story of their own instead of being challenged to 'remember' something. One leader cut out a picture of the Marlboro man, and asked participants to develop a story about him. They gave him a name and proceeded to chart his actions. It was a warm humorous story. It taps imagination which is alive and well in people with Alzheimer's.
Another treatment is Arts for Alzheimer's, a day at a museum studying art that has been chosen by those with Alzheimer's as art that evokes an emotional response. People are asked, "What do you see going on in this picture?" Stories are forthcoming, often from those who have not engaged in conversation for some time.
Another memory evoking vehicle comes from My Way Village of Quincy, MA. It is a computer based program that is personalized and evokes memories important to that person. I was part of a pilot program with people with Alzheimer's and was so impressed with the value of adding fun and pleasure to what might have been an otherwise empty lonely day.
These are some of the new ideas and treatments I want to explore in my second book. Are there other things you'd like included in the update on Alzheimer caregiving? Write me at beverly.moore@StilMee.com. I'd love to hear from you. It makes writing a joy when it satisfies a need in a field that is so important to me; alzheimer caregiving.
Another couple of good reads are: I'm Still Here by John Zeisel and Voices of Alzheimer's by Betsy Peterson. The author of Still Alice, a best seller, has written another called Left Neglected. Get yourself a copy. Pick up mine too. It is available on our website for the same cost as Amazon.com. Go to www.StilMee.com
Monday, December 6, 2010
On Guardian and Conservator Responsibilities
Attorney Leanna Hamill provides estate planning and related legal services to clients of all ages, with a focus on the needs of older individuals and their families.
160 Old Derby St., Suite 456
Hingham, Ma 02043
Phone: 781-749-2284 Fax: 866-573-6429
Leanna@HamillLawOffice.com
Responsibilities of a Guardian & Conservator
Written on December 6, 2010 in Guardianship
Have you thought about pursuing guardianship or conservatorship over an adult family member who you believe can no longer handle their affairs? A guardianship is a legal relationship created by a court between a guardian and her ward, usually an incapacitated adult. The guardian has a legal right and duty to care for the ward. A conservatorship is a like a guardianship but refers only to property.
After you are appointed by the Court, you have a lot of responsibilities to properly carry out your duties. Here are some of the ongoing responsibilities of a guardian and conservator:
•Filing a report with the Court at 60 days and annually outlining your plans for the ward, their care, and their property,
•Filing a yearly report with the Court outlining the ward’s living situation, medical condition, how often you’ve visited them, what services they are receiving and related issues.
•Caring for the ward – making health care decisions, living decisions and decisions about how to manage their property for their benefit,
•Involving the ward as much as possible taking into account their condition and circumstances,
•Filing Roger’s Monitor reports annually, if you are also appointed in that capacity,
•In the case of a Conservatorship, fileing annual accountings showing what has occured over the last year with the property you are managing,
•Responding to any requests from the Court for more frequent recording.
A guardian or conservator is always subject to the oversight of the Court and can be penalized for failing to properly account for funds and monitor their ward.
(The term “ward” is used here for convenience. The legal term for someone under a guardianship is “incapacitated person” and for someone under a conservatorship is “protected person.”)
________
Estate Planning, Probate and Trusts involve complex areas of law. Individual circumstances must be considered before any advice can be given. The general information above is not to be construed as legal advice, which can only be given after consideration of the unique facts of each matter. Please seek the advice or counsel of your attorney, financial advisor or CPA as it may be appropriate.
160 Old Derby St., Suite 456
Hingham, Ma 02043
Phone: 781-749-2284 Fax: 866-573-6429
Leanna@HamillLawOffice.com
Responsibilities of a Guardian & Conservator
Written on December 6, 2010 in Guardianship
Have you thought about pursuing guardianship or conservatorship over an adult family member who you believe can no longer handle their affairs? A guardianship is a legal relationship created by a court between a guardian and her ward, usually an incapacitated adult. The guardian has a legal right and duty to care for the ward. A conservatorship is a like a guardianship but refers only to property.
After you are appointed by the Court, you have a lot of responsibilities to properly carry out your duties. Here are some of the ongoing responsibilities of a guardian and conservator:
•Filing a report with the Court at 60 days and annually outlining your plans for the ward, their care, and their property,
•Filing a yearly report with the Court outlining the ward’s living situation, medical condition, how often you’ve visited them, what services they are receiving and related issues.
•Caring for the ward – making health care decisions, living decisions and decisions about how to manage their property for their benefit,
•Involving the ward as much as possible taking into account their condition and circumstances,
•Filing Roger’s Monitor reports annually, if you are also appointed in that capacity,
•In the case of a Conservatorship, fileing annual accountings showing what has occured over the last year with the property you are managing,
•Responding to any requests from the Court for more frequent recording.
A guardian or conservator is always subject to the oversight of the Court and can be penalized for failing to properly account for funds and monitor their ward.
(The term “ward” is used here for convenience. The legal term for someone under a guardianship is “incapacitated person” and for someone under a conservatorship is “protected person.”)
________
Estate Planning, Probate and Trusts involve complex areas of law. Individual circumstances must be considered before any advice can be given. The general information above is not to be construed as legal advice, which can only be given after consideration of the unique facts of each matter. Please seek the advice or counsel of your attorney, financial advisor or CPA as it may be appropriate.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Reader feedback is very appreciated!
I'm not sure how many authors hear from readers, but I sure appreciate the feedback I'm getting from young and old, family caregivers and professionals. Recently I've heard from a 93 year old woman who said the book eased care for her, another is a LTC Insurance benefits adjuster who either recommends my book or gives a copy to her clients. A reverse mortgage person gives a copy to anyone seeking a reverse mortgage to help pay for care for someone with Alzheimer's.
I love hearing from you and listening to your stories. I'm moving along on my second book (no title yet) that addresses new trends in Alzheimer care with more true stories from caregivers, including my story of caring reluctantly for my mother in law.
Email me @ Beverly.Moore@Stilmee.com
I love hearing from you and listening to your stories. I'm moving along on my second book (no title yet) that addresses new trends in Alzheimer care with more true stories from caregivers, including my story of caring reluctantly for my mother in law.
Email me @ Beverly.Moore@Stilmee.com
Monday, September 13, 2010
Matters of the mind...and the heart
I'm on my way to writing an extended version of my book. I think that including my oft trying journey with my mother-in-law Better to the book will add to its authenticity. It was a trying journey all right. I found dealing with her resistance very troublesome and arduous. I didn't like the role I was called to play and I often resented my role in it all. So, to relieve other caregivers of their guilt hating their need to be the primary caregiver, I decided to write about it. My role was not one I would have chosen but it was assigned me as many have been in my life due to my role as NURSE. Ugh! Anyway, it did teach me many things to pass on to other caregivers and taught me my limitations. A very good lesson to learn by the way for all caregivers.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Book # 2
I'm working albeit slowly on my second book. I don't know its title as yet but it will include new trends in treating Alzheimer's non-pharmacologically (love that word). It will also include my journey with my mother in law through 14 years of Alzheimer's. Here is an excerpt. More fiblets
At 9 a.m. before I left on a business appointment, I called Bette to update her about Curt’s health. “He is feeling better but the doctor says he can’t have visitors yet.” She repeated the same questions I had just answered, and told me to tell the doctor that he had a mother and she WOULD visit him, whether the doctor liked the idea or not! I think we have to think of a way to alleviate her concern; perhaps Curt will have to talk to her over the phone in a croaky voice so she limits her time with him. We’re still telling her he has a bad cold with laryngitis. We don’t want her to fret over his well being.
At 2:30 p.m. She called for the 11th time (the rest were voice messages) to ask me about him and where her car keys were. Oh, I am running low on patience with this today. I started off the day anxious and tearful. I am going to the YMCA to work off some of the tension. Curt insists he can’t deal with her right now, but I think he’s got to do something soon to get her out of my hair. I have needs too. Those are important too, aren’t they?
It is 8 p.m. Curt was on the phone for 5 minutes with her and blew up, telling her he was sick of her many phone calls. He is so quick to tell me something I’ve thought up to reduce her calls is not feasible and then he yells at her,….like she is going to now phone less that he’s yelled at her!
I am amazed how family members cannot maintain an understanding of the disease. I know because I am a family member...and a trained one.... so called, and I sometimes lack understanding, and often lack patience.
September 10, 1999
Today she says she is displeased with the place, the rug, the kitchen in her living area. I almost told her how little gratitude and how spoiled she was. But my professional self prevailed over my inclinations and I said, “It makes me sad you are so displeased with what we looked so long for.” Later she called to thank me for the groceries she ‘found’ in her refrigerator, and to tell me someone stole $10.00 from her purse. She suspects one of the aides because ‘she was just too friendly’. I let her tell the whole story, told her to just watch the girl and see. I added that she wouldn’t want to accuse someone unjustly. She is manufacturing reasons why she needs to move somewhere else. This time she can ‘look’ for herself. I’ll encourage it but give her no assistance as will anyone else. Hopefully if we don’t encourage conversation about it, or reason her out of it (like that would do any good anyway!), and just listen and sympathize, she will go on to some other fixation! Today I am impatient. I don’t want to do anything for her. The worst personality traits, hers and mine, are rising to the top and both are annoying me!
More on the telephone…
It is time to get caller ID. Curt’s already ordered it for our phones. I called the residence to see how they viewed her and, it appears, she is not troublesome to them. Hopefully the voice message system with Curt’s voice on it will suffice to keep her calm. As it turns out, it is an annoyance to her. She can’t reason why if his voice is on the phone, why he won’t answer her questions. This enrages her and she bangs the phone down. We’ve had 60 angry recorded calls today.
Ellen the nurse had gotten the message that we were going to ‘steal’ the car. She stated she was afraid that if she talked in the dining room about her car being stolen, it would raise all kinds of problems of suspicion and fear for the other residents. So, when the time comes, we will tell her the car was sold on order of the doctor. Oh, boy, then the fur will surely fly! It is so important to confer with the staff; I wouldn’t have even have thought beyond her to the other residents needs. I’m on a learning curve I’d never had anticipated.
At 9 a.m. before I left on a business appointment, I called Bette to update her about Curt’s health. “He is feeling better but the doctor says he can’t have visitors yet.” She repeated the same questions I had just answered, and told me to tell the doctor that he had a mother and she WOULD visit him, whether the doctor liked the idea or not! I think we have to think of a way to alleviate her concern; perhaps Curt will have to talk to her over the phone in a croaky voice so she limits her time with him. We’re still telling her he has a bad cold with laryngitis. We don’t want her to fret over his well being.
At 2:30 p.m. She called for the 11th time (the rest were voice messages) to ask me about him and where her car keys were. Oh, I am running low on patience with this today. I started off the day anxious and tearful. I am going to the YMCA to work off some of the tension. Curt insists he can’t deal with her right now, but I think he’s got to do something soon to get her out of my hair. I have needs too. Those are important too, aren’t they?
It is 8 p.m. Curt was on the phone for 5 minutes with her and blew up, telling her he was sick of her many phone calls. He is so quick to tell me something I’ve thought up to reduce her calls is not feasible and then he yells at her,….like she is going to now phone less that he’s yelled at her!
I am amazed how family members cannot maintain an understanding of the disease. I know because I am a family member...and a trained one.... so called, and I sometimes lack understanding, and often lack patience.
September 10, 1999
Today she says she is displeased with the place, the rug, the kitchen in her living area. I almost told her how little gratitude and how spoiled she was. But my professional self prevailed over my inclinations and I said, “It makes me sad you are so displeased with what we looked so long for.” Later she called to thank me for the groceries she ‘found’ in her refrigerator, and to tell me someone stole $10.00 from her purse. She suspects one of the aides because ‘she was just too friendly’. I let her tell the whole story, told her to just watch the girl and see. I added that she wouldn’t want to accuse someone unjustly. She is manufacturing reasons why she needs to move somewhere else. This time she can ‘look’ for herself. I’ll encourage it but give her no assistance as will anyone else. Hopefully if we don’t encourage conversation about it, or reason her out of it (like that would do any good anyway!), and just listen and sympathize, she will go on to some other fixation! Today I am impatient. I don’t want to do anything for her. The worst personality traits, hers and mine, are rising to the top and both are annoying me!
More on the telephone…
It is time to get caller ID. Curt’s already ordered it for our phones. I called the residence to see how they viewed her and, it appears, she is not troublesome to them. Hopefully the voice message system with Curt’s voice on it will suffice to keep her calm. As it turns out, it is an annoyance to her. She can’t reason why if his voice is on the phone, why he won’t answer her questions. This enrages her and she bangs the phone down. We’ve had 60 angry recorded calls today.
Ellen the nurse had gotten the message that we were going to ‘steal’ the car. She stated she was afraid that if she talked in the dining room about her car being stolen, it would raise all kinds of problems of suspicion and fear for the other residents. So, when the time comes, we will tell her the car was sold on order of the doctor. Oh, boy, then the fur will surely fly! It is so important to confer with the staff; I wouldn’t have even have thought beyond her to the other residents needs. I’m on a learning curve I’d never had anticipated.
Friday, July 23, 2010
What do you want to learn?
I'm in the planning stages of expanding my book into a second edition. I'd love to hear from some of you about what you'd like included. I intend to expand on the new trends in Alzheimer treatment and care, the value of participating in research, the new AlzArts program and new care strategies I've learned from my coaching team.
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