Book # 2

I'm working albeit slowly on my second book. I don't know its title as yet but it will include new trends in treating Alzheimer's non-pharmacologically (love that word). It will also include my journey with my mother in law through 14 years of Alzheimer's. Here is an excerpt. More fiblets

At 9 a.m. before I left on a business appointment, I called Bette to update her about Curt’s health. “He is feeling better but the doctor says he can’t have visitors yet.” She repeated the same questions I had just answered, and told me to tell the doctor that he had a mother and she WOULD visit him, whether the doctor liked the idea or not! I think we have to think of a way to alleviate her concern; perhaps Curt will have to talk to her over the phone in a croaky voice so she limits her time with him. We’re still telling her he has a bad cold with laryngitis. We don’t want her to fret over his well being.
At 2:30 p.m. She called for the 11th time (the rest were voice messages) to ask me about him and where her car keys were. Oh, I am running low on patience with this today. I started off the day anxious and tearful. I am going to the YMCA to work off some of the tension. Curt insists he can’t deal with her right now, but I think he’s got to do something soon to get her out of my hair. I have needs too. Those are important too, aren’t they?
It is 8 p.m. Curt was on the phone for 5 minutes with her and blew up, telling her he was sick of her many phone calls. He is so quick to tell me something I’ve thought up to reduce her calls is not feasible and then he yells at her,….like she is going to now phone less that he’s yelled at her!
I am amazed how family members cannot maintain an understanding of the disease. I know because I am a family member...and a trained one.... so called, and I sometimes lack understanding, and often lack patience.

September 10, 1999
Today she says she is displeased with the place, the rug, the kitchen in her living area. I almost told her how little gratitude and how spoiled she was. But my professional self prevailed over my inclinations and I said, “It makes me sad you are so displeased with what we looked so long for.” Later she called to thank me for the groceries she ‘found’ in her refrigerator, and to tell me someone stole $10.00 from her purse. She suspects one of the aides because ‘she was just too friendly’. I let her tell the whole story, told her to just watch the girl and see. I added that she wouldn’t want to accuse someone unjustly. She is manufacturing reasons why she needs to move somewhere else. This time she can ‘look’ for herself. I’ll encourage it but give her no assistance as will anyone else. Hopefully if we don’t encourage conversation about it, or reason her out of it (like that would do any good anyway!), and just listen and sympathize, she will go on to some other fixation! Today I am impatient. I don’t want to do anything for her. The worst personality traits, hers and mine, are rising to the top and both are annoying me!

More on the telephone…
It is time to get caller ID. Curt’s already ordered it for our phones. I called the residence to see how they viewed her and, it appears, she is not troublesome to them. Hopefully the voice message system with Curt’s voice on it will suffice to keep her calm. As it turns out, it is an annoyance to her. She can’t reason why if his voice is on the phone, why he won’t answer her questions. This enrages her and she bangs the phone down. We’ve had 60 angry recorded calls today.
Ellen the nurse had gotten the message that we were going to ‘steal’ the car. She stated she was afraid that if she talked in the dining room about her car being stolen, it would raise all kinds of problems of suspicion and fear for the other residents. So, when the time comes, we will tell her the car was sold on order of the doctor. Oh, boy, then the fur will surely fly! It is so important to confer with the staff; I wouldn’t have even have thought beyond her to the other residents needs. I’m on a learning curve I’d never had anticipated.