Confessions of an Alzheimer Coach

Now that the emotional upheaval of Bette's death a year ago in January, I am ready to complete the story of her and me on the journey of Alzheimer's. Bette was my mother in law and one challenging patient with Alzheimer's. Being an in law doesn't make caring easier as one is not the family (after all she was not MY mother). This meant dealing with different views of what she needed(or didn't need as they saw it), and working around family dynamics; minimizing the progression of the disease, refusing what I felt were intelligent suggestions, and downright annoyance at my observations about what her needs were. I am writing it to relieve other caregivers of the doubt about their caregiving. I discovered that even with a good head knowledge of the affects of Alzheimer's on the patient and the family, and ability to help families solve challenging behaviors, when the coach is emotionally involved, things are a lot different. Emotions run high; conflict within the family isn't easy to deal with, and being a professional is sometimes a liabiity.
So, wish me luck and good writing so I can share my story with you. I think you'll be relieved to find how many mistakes we made, and how much I learned. Look for its completion hopefully this year.

Book success

It is so satisfying to hear how my book has impacted caregiving for people. The stories they tell me speak to them. The ideas to address challenging behaviors and ability decline give them hope and encouragement. I am so very pleased that writing the book has helped others. It is now published with new formatting by Strategic Book Publishers of New York. I am proud to present it; to give it out at my presentations around New England. The caregivers I wrote about deserve credit beyond my writing about them. They cared to learn how to change their response to changes in their family member and gleaned the rewards. Many felt it was a brand new relationship; sometimes even sweeter than the one before the disease.
Go to your local bookstore and request they carry Matters of the Mind...and the Heart by Beverly Moore. Let's get it out there to the family members who will benefit from the information and hope it gives. I loved writing it; enjoy reading it.
Beverly Moore, Alzheimer coach

Matters of the Mind...and the Heart

A newly published version of my book is available from Strategic Book Publishing. I am very pleased with its look, and the great formatting, making it easier to read. I've received much good feedback on its usefulness for caring for a person with Alzheimer's. I enjoyed writing it so I'm happy it is enjoyable to read as well.
I think back on all the Alzheimer caregivers that I've coached since the 1990s and am struck with their resilience. It is a pleasure to write about their journey.
The hardest thing for many caregivers is to spend quality time with their family member. I've recently been introduced to a vehicle that makes this challenge easier and it benefits both the caregiver and care recipient. Log onto www.MyWayVillage.com and see what it's all about. I'm very impressed.

We won an award!

Matters of the Mind...and the Heart won the bronze award at the 18th Annual National mature Media Awards. These awards honor the best in advertising, marketing and educational materials for older adults. I am honored and blessed to have won this award sponsored by the National Association of Area Agencies on Aging and American Custom Publishing Corporation.

The Heart of a caregiver

I recently wrote in my monthly newsletter about my reluctance to begin caregiving my mother in law, Bette. A caregiver wrote this back.
"Your caregiver note really hit the nail on the head for me. I'm glad to know that even you didn't do or say everything right. Many times I too got frustrated no matter how hard I tried to be patient with Jo's mom. As we began the Alzheimer journey, she was my least favorite person. Even when she was well, she telephoned so many times, I threatened to change our phone number. So it was very difficult for me to step in and become her primary caregiver. Now I see that it wasn't easy for her either after living alone for 40 years, she had to accept that she couldn't do things like bathe herself. I took 'baby steps' with her each week in trying to get her to bathe and allow me to wash her. We did it one step at a time. I know we can't go back and change the past. We could have done a lot worse. We can only take comfort in knowing we did our best at the time and cherish the memories of years before."
We can develop the heart of a caregiver when we can step outside ourselves and into the world of the person with Alzheimer's. This caregiver did just that, one step at a time. That is the way I had to do it too.

Greatest challenges

What are the greatest challenges for you in caring for your special someone with Alzheimer's? I'm curious as to what drives you to seek information and during what stage of the disease. My sense is, that those who seek out coaching or classes on Alzheimer's or connect with the Alzheimer's Association are just diagnosed and want information or the caregiver can't understand some behavior of their family member with Alzheimer's.
Many people are referred for coaching when a professional notes that the caregiver is stretched to their limit and need support.
I'd be interested to hear from Alzheimer caregivers about this. Have you sought help understanding the disease? Where did you find that information? What was most helpful? What drove you to seek that knowledge. What is the biggest challenge?

To Kindle or not to Kindle

A caregiver from Vellejo California asking if a PDF file of my book was available. He and his wife have low vision and cannot read a book per se. I'm pursuing the possibility of having by book Matters of the Mind...and the Heart on PDF to be downloaded to a Kindle book. Who has experience with reading e-books on their computer? Is this for convenience or novelty only to have a Kindle book since the tablet is fairly expensive.
I want people with low vision to have access to my book as low vision doesn't preclude your being a caregiver.
If you are or know of people with low vision who love to read e-books, ask them to email me and give me some advice on how to make my book available in that way.
Thank you...Beverly

New version coming

Matters of the Mind...and the Heart will be republished soon by Strategic Book Publishing. It has been edited and resources have been updated for you. I still have plenty of the last version available for you. Just go to my website www.StilMee.com and click on the book. I'll send you a signed copy.
I am so pleased with the comments I receive regularly on the usefulness and readability (? a word) of a book I loved writing. The caregivers I've featured were just some of the many special people I've had the joy of meeting in the last 10+ years coaching caregivers. If I wrote about them all, I'd have a very thick book indeed.
Do you have stories of your caregiving journey? I'd like to write about them or you submit them to this blog or my Caregiver Connections blog.
Go to my blog StilMeecoachblogspot.com and read one of a very special caregiver, Jane. After being coached a few years ago, she decided she wanted to give back by becoming a coach. She is a seasoned geriatric nurse with a tender heart. Look her up on our website.

Time to Think

I presented at VNA Attleboro a talk entitled What's Happening? Many people came perhaps because it wasn't only about dementia or Alzheimer's disease, but it was delving into what behaviors signal cognitive change.
Recently I've given talks about The Heart of the Caregiver, New Trends in Alzheimer Care, When Home is no Longer Enough, and Is this Alzheimer's. It is certainly a hot topic; on television daily the Alzheimer 'epidemic' is talked about.
There isn't one of us that at some time doesn't wonder, maybe even worry, about our thinking. As we age, this becomes a bigger concern. We can't remember a name, we find ourselves wondering whether we are going north or south on a major highway or momentarily feel confused at a familiar task. We kiddingly call it a brain glitch, or a senior moment, and hope that is all it is.
Has this ever happened to you? Write about it and post it on my blog. I'm writing articles, giving talks, and am preparing to write my second book. Whatever you add to the mix will be appreciated.

My book Matters of the Mind...and the Heart is a how-to book: how to care for your family member with memory loss. It explores and explains behaviors of people with Alzheimer's disease and those of us who care for them. It is a book about commitment of family to its members. It is a book of love relationships and how people strive to keep them rich in the face of an illness that robs memory.
The lessons contained in my book are told through stories of real people facing new perplexing behaviors, and trying to respond to the behavior instead of react. This is only possible when relating is based on new knowledge; that of understanding what is happening to thinking that causes the behavior.
You can order this book from me @ www.StilMee.com. It has been given very positive reviews by those many who have read it already.